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Hate is easy , Love takes courage .

Wednesday, March 11, 2009 7:43 PM

Hello peoples {!}
I'm here to blog again. Btw, I'm very tired right now . =X
Okay, i shall start :
This morning, Our school is having common test ,
I don't have to take common test because of syf .
I was thinking if i should text Z to say goodluck ,
Suddenly at that moment, my phone got that vibration,beep.
It was Z! , I was like, so surprised by his text -____-" ,
As usual headed to school myself ,
& Yes . I saw Irwan BFF in the bus this morning , he smiled to me, haha. : )
After i reached interchange, went to queue for bus 903 to school .
The bus is packed , & Ahyeen,Haziqah,Wanny & I was like squeezing
into the circular thing at the centre of the long bus .
Guess what? I saw the so called "Small Hothot" , he's right beside me duh.
As in he's sitting down while i was standing . HAHA.
After reached bus stop, Bilian GF is there already,
We make our way to school , did biometric , settled down in the parade square.
Performing arts group were told to meet up in the hall,
First mistake some of us made was ,
To change our clothes after the meet up without teacher's permission.
After that, Teacher go through the list of things we should bring to the camp on 16th.
After that dance started , seriously its so tiring .
Few of us get shouted , yeah, I was one of them too!.
I was like, grrr. so fed up duh. ): .
Keep dancing & dancing , till 10.45 den we got our break. 30mins.
We all went to the canteen to have breakfirst.
Its like, first time of the year we all sat together as a group!(:
'Sometimes i was jealous of others , their relationship's with their teacher in charge,
Instrustor & group members is super good , i'm so jealous !'
{Yes, yesterday! , I was thinking of Brian(Previous instructor) ,
I remembered clearly the days , Dancing like crazy, Perspiring .
Suffering, He's really a good instructor, I joined since sec 1 end of year,
He was the 2nd instructor after i joined, at first was Ms kate .
I seriously miss brian so so much! , i remember i saw him on 6thDec08 at yishun mrt station!
I feel like crying, especially it was my birthday, he shaked hand with me & wish me
happy birhday! awwws. i feel like my tears wanna fall, seriously.
We suffered & struggled alot before syf,
Some of the dancers even work together with him for the dance work last year.
I remember, after syf, brian told ask he might not teach us anymore,
We were at the UCC that time, some of us cried, me too! )'=
The previous i last saw him was at the cathy because of dancework.
I miss him though! :( , He said he'll come back & visit us someday,
I hope he really will , because, i miss him so much like no one else does it !
Alicia misses him too, yes, we miss him to the core alrights! ]': }
Around 1.45pm , Mrs shamar camed in mini hall with 4OR5 seniors,
They came to watch our dance, i was like, errr. so scared. ROARS. :X
We were dismissed at 2plus, after that, headed to causeway point
with my sayangs{!} , Shuqi, Azmi & Monisha .
We went to shop awhile, after that headed to banquet to have our lunch,
Headed home around 4.10pm. So tired.
Tomorrow will be a long long day ahead, because tomorrow's practice will be until 6pm ;0
Yawns. Nevermind, We missed a gold last year, this year we must work hard to achieve it.
Anyway, i took a nap just now, around 45mins :] , i'm seriously tired.
Before that Altaz dummie called , I was like, er , who are you?
Because my phone is dead, i'm using a spare phone now.
Lost all my contacts, so , if you're gonna text me,
Do remember to tell me your name duh :)

LOVE STORY : (Related to yesterday's)

It all started during freshman year of high school. Like any other freshman girl, I had a crush on a senior. My friends and I would stalk him everyday. We giggled at how silly we were. Though, one day, the senior asked me to be his girlfriend. Of course, I said yes. Though... I never knew there was a boy in my class who liked me, too. We barely knew each other, but by the time we did, it was too late. I had a boyfriend already. I never knew that he had a crush on me until my boyfriend told me that he thought the boy did. But... the thing is... the boy had a girlfriend already. She was my best friend. I was mad at my boyfriend for saying such a thing. Unlike my boyfriend, I never really thought about how the boy would stroke my hand, make fun of me, talk to me everyday, call me whenever he was bored, carried my backpack and books, and looked at me as if I was the only girl in the room. The boy never said anything until one day when I got so angry at my boyfriend that I told the boy what my boyfriend suspected. The boy told me that he did like me... but that was before he went out with his girlfriend. I never thought much about it until I broke up with my boyfriend. The day after we broke up, the boy confessed his feelings. I was speechless. I did not know what to do. I mean... it was very sweet and all... but... my best friend... I cannot betray her... I did not know what to do. I told the boy that we could never be together because I could never do that to my best friend. He understood... but he still loved me. Once, he was so confused about his feelings that he broke up with his girlfriend. He wanted to be with me so bad... but... his girlfriend begged him to not leave her. He did not want to hurt her, so he went back. His love for me kept on sparking at random moments, causing me to be confused. I did not want to believe that I loved him. I could not... it was not the right thing to do... I sometimes cried from being so confused. I begged the boy to forget about me... I could not take it anymore. Though... I still loved him... a lot. Then... one day, we were talking... and both of our love towards each other sparked. This time, the boy broke up with his girlfriend to be with me. However, I was hesitant and made up excuses so I would not feel so bad. Oh, I had to do it so my best friend would not have to go through more pain if she found out the truth later... or... oh, I only planned on playing him back... I would not go out with him... Of course, not. While I was thinking like that, the boy followed me everyday, did everything for me, waited for me in front of my class, made me feel like I was someone special. I blamed everything on him when people started to get mad at me for doing such a thing to my best friend. After two months, I began to release my true feelings. But... it was too late... By the time I showed him how much I loved him, he already stopped loving me. It seemed as if the roles had been switched. Now, I was the one to do everything for him while he just... did not care. On one Saturday, we had a small argument. He thought I was going to leave him and said that if I did, he would leave the school. So silly... I would never leave him... Then... the next day, he suddenly said that he was going to transfer high schools and broke up with me. Even though I knew that he hated his current high school ever since he came, I was so surprised that I did not know what to do. He said that I was not supportive enough. So, I desperately asked him if he would take back because I would change. He refused. After he picked up his little brother from a chess tournament, he realized how rash he had been acting and asked me to forgive him. I was relieved. He was back to normal. But... I was pretty mad that he made me worry so much. He promised that he would never do it again. The next day, when we were alone together, I began to cry. I was so scared that he would leave me. He promised me that he would never leave me. On Tuesday, we had such a fun time together after school. It seemed like nothing bad had happened, everything felt so good. Though, the next day, we had another argument. I guess this argument made him remember his ex-girlfriend... On Thursday, he did not even look at me once. I knew something was wrong... This was not the first hint. It all started when his ex-girlfriend went out with another guy. He began to stop waiting for me outside my class, he suddenly changed his red backpack that matched mine to a blue one, he started to ignore me more and more, his actions and personality started to change. I thought it was only a temporary thing... but I guess not. After giving him a note asking if he was only with me because I told him not to leave me, he did not give me an answer. I knew something was wrong. We went to a quiet place to discuss this. I asked him what was wrong. He said nothing. I did not want to play around anymore. I asked him if he stopped liking me. He did not know. Finally, after forcing him to answer me, he told me that he missed his ex-girlfriend and that he was sorry. I was happy for him. I was not mad. Though, I had to hide my sadness. I did not want to make his job any harder. I did not mind that he missed his ex-girlfriend... but... I felt lonely afterward. Who do I have now? My best friend was not my best friend anymore because of him. My other friends began to leave me because they thought I did a very wrong thing. But... now looking back, I guess it was all right though. I do not regret anything. I will remember those happy days forever. I can never thank him enough for giving me such happiness, even if it was for a short amount of time. Call me naive, but I will still love him. I hope... if fate is on our side... that next time... we will not be too late again... we missed our chance once, we cannot miss it again. Thank you and I love you. Goodbye. I will be waiting.
----------------------------------------------------
; Maybe its gone / you're gonna bring it back? No please .
I don't seems to have a handphone anymore , after i stop contact with Z ,
Handphone seems rather dead without text's .
We did text today, but, i prefered if you didn't text me,
Because, days ago, I'm already use to it,
Now that you just texted me, i seems rather looking forward for your text .):
No please. I'm setting my heart free from guys now.
I guess , I prefer meeting the wrong one, rather than meeting the right one too early,
because, its hard to determind & hold on a relationship.
Too much of love, the guy will take it for granted,
Too much of trust , the guy will be flirting with other girls ,
Too much of confidence , the ending you didn't expect might just happened ,
Too much of promise's , the guy will break it one by one.
Too much of heartaches, ask yourself why,
the only answer you'll get is , '' I just love him , alot ." ,
Even if he hurt you, you'll find it alright & continue to let him hurt you.
Just like myself, i always remind myself all this things & yet,
For a seconds when he smile to me, the things just washed off my brain.
Oh, no, i'm not suppose to think of him anymore ,
Although in school, i always wanted to see him, but,
today when we texted, i feel nothing . HAHA.
I just hope that feeling of 'Nothing' will continue all the way. (:
Sometimes, i feel that i need a boyfriend,
Sometimes , i thinks that girlfriends are more than enough. haha.
Pretty weird isn't it? :D , Single life, is much better to lead than double life.
i mean double life is so called 'Attached life' , haha.

; By the way, RIDHWAN IS OUT OF CSS!)':
I feel so sad siah, he's like, very brave to join campus super-star,
Chinese group somemore, yet, he didn't make it , )':
My tears flows when i watch the result that night D:
Can rewind anot ah? HE'S THE BEST ALRIGHTS.
objection lah. why he's out?? he's doing so well, so far so good lor.grrr.

Lastly ,
I'm tired .

Tag's replies :
!Charmian : yeahyeah. haha . i remember, when i free i go search,
den got time i go think of story related to my life uh. lol.:D
Anonymous : Erm Sec3, who siah? I cannot figure out ley,
I don't really know sec3 guys, Nigel? (cannot be ley) , ermmm.
I really don't know, anymore info can tell not? LOL.
Ahyeen : Heeheeh. the song's are sad uh. yeayyeah. ;D
Naddy : Ario0hArio.Haha, thanks but, i'm not chio , you than chio :]heeehees.